Melancholy: Time

September 23, 2011

Neglected doesn’t even come close to what I have done, or not done, to this blog.  To catch up – I got married, then I got pregnant, then we had an amazing daughter and then we bought a house.  Not bad for two years of neglect.  I should also say Adam changed jobs in there as well.  We like to lump all of our major life changes together.  That’s how we roll.

 Our daughter Nora just turned one a couple of weeks ago.  It’s incredible how time works.  The first three months were pure bliss for me.  Floating through maternity leave, enjoying the Fall weather and the smell of new baby.  The next three months seemed to go by much slower.  Maybe being back amongst the working had something to do with it.  It seemed like she would always be on her tummy, crawling away and then BAM!  She’s standing, then cruising and then full on walking and then she’s asking you for the keys to your car so she can go out Friday night. 

Babyhood flies by faster than you think.  The beginning kind of lulls you into small changes.  She rolled over!  She grabbed something!  She smiled!  You think, I’m enjoying this and suddenly you find yourself trying to figure out which new car seat to get since she’s too tall for her pumpkin seat and pondering the pros and cons of buying Stride Rite’s since she hasn’t developed an arch yet but is already running a 5k every morning before you leave for work.

I guess what I’m saying is that the speed at which things have gone is amazing to me.  There’s this phenomenon I’ve noticed, and I’m sure you have too; as you get older time goes by faster, like our own relativity scale increases.  High school took an eternity and college flew by.  I blinked and grad school was over.  I need to learn to savor the moment, to be “present”. This has always been difficult for me.  I have wonderful memories but I want to have wonderful, truly actualized experiences, snapshots at least.  Maybe I need to take up yoga or meditation or see a counselor about slowing down and lessening anxiety/stress/real life.  I don’t want to be absent in this amazing life I am fortunate enough to lead.  I want to enjoy every single second.  Ok, well maybe not every single second but where it counts.  I guess this is the lament of so many people, with or without children.  (Look at me trying to lump you all in with me so I look normal.  I’m tricky that way.)  But truly, real life makes you dizzy and rushed and unable to have the luxury of experience.  If one of you figures out the secret to this let me know.  I’d like in on it.


My loves.



July 21, 2009

It’s been two months so I suppose a wedding post is due. 😉 How about a picture while I put words to blog. Eep!

Photo by CLC Photography

Role Play

March 30, 2009

I like to play Mrs. Adam.  Some say I already am, living in sin as we are, but playing Mrs. Adam consists of me taking my wedding bands out of their safe place and putting them on.  I usually do this for about 10 or 15 minutes.  I hold out my hand and think about how the novelty of these bands will wear off one day because I will be wearing them for a long, long time.   I revel in its newness and the juxtaposition of it all.  Excitement at both ends of the spectrum – the becoming and the am.

Last night I played Mrs. Adam for a few hours.  Granted I fell asleep and had a long nap with them on but when Adam saw them still on my hand he called shenanigans, “Hey no fair!  You can’t play Mrs. Adam for that long!”  So I have dutifully taken them off and put them back in their case, where they will wait for May and for when I get to be Mrs. Adam for longer than 15 minutes.


June 26, 2007

My dad calls me Deedlebug.  There are many little names he calls my sister and I.  It shows his affection for us definitely.  We like him a lot too.  His 60th was Sunday and we celebrated with a lovely dinner and dessert. I know he is proud of us and we’re proud to have him as a father.  John gave a wonderful toast about my father’s first 60 years which illustrated the path of his life.  He was in the Air Force during Vietnam.  A low lottery number and a desire to learn how to fly instead of being in the army prompted his enlistment.  Thankfully he was stateside and instead of flying he got a daughter, my sister.  Once out of the service he and his hot tamale wife had another little girl.  To pay for her birth my father sold one of his cameras.  To this day I am very thankful that he didn’t name me Hasselblad. 

The government taught him this new fangled thing called computers and this English major became a programmer.   He was always a photography nut and stared taking weddings at a young age.  Something he’s been doing ever since, with a few sanity breaks here and there.  He passed on his love of the visual arts to both of his daughters and for this they are thankful.  My sister is a wonderful artist in her own right and me, I take pictures here and there 😉  Thinking of the other things we get from our dad one is the ability to raise a singular eyebrow to convey a world of thought and the absolute love of physical comedy. 

It’s difficult to try and convey everything in a few paragraphs but we would not be who we are without him and my mom.  Both my sister and I are successful.  Now what I mean is that we’re happy and that would be extremely difficult without the love and nurturing of our parents.  As for the luck of birth – we won the lottery. 

So, happy birthday dad.  Anything I write is going to fall short of how we think the world of you.  You are loved, respected and liked by your family and that, that is truly something.

Mother’s Day

May 13, 2007

(I apologize for the lack of spellcheck) I’m sitting outside and enjoying the beautiful weather. One dog has laid himself down in the hosta, cooling off. The other canine has had enough of outside and is probably now on the couch next to Gerry. I love lazy Sundays.

It being Mother’s day and all I feel like I should write something about my mom. I’m pretty sentimental so something should come to me right? I fear that whatever I write won’t convey the gooey kind of love and appreciation for her that I have. She has been a role model and strength in my life and I want to honor that. She finished her Master’s while she had grade school aged children and is now at the end of her PhD. I’ve always admired her for her intelligance and drive to succeed in these things. I wish I had that kind of motivation, alas I have yet to find it.

I always felt loved growing up and always knew my parents were there for me, even through the tough teenage years. One of the lucky ones being supported and encourage to go off on my own and succeed. Of course that’s a tough trade off when you want to be sure your baby is safe. Now in my adult years I feel like I get to reap the benefits of their parenting skills, and of the tough line my mom walked – that of friend and parent. Reap the benefits by now having a wonderful relationship that includes venting about everyday problems and emailing off color jokes. I appreciate everything she did more and more every year, not that I don’t appreciate it now just my understanding grows that much more as I get older.

Although a slightly lacking tribute to my mom I want her to know she is loved and that I think she (and of course my dad) did a pretty good job raising us if I do say so myself (although I am far from perfect I’m happy with me). Happy Mother’s day Mom!

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Mr. Newt

May 4, 2007

He’s a mix. Part German Shepherd (mama) part retriever. He sheds and sheds and sheds. I could make another dog out of all the hair he loses. His tail goes in circles. He will come up to you and crawl into your lap, and rest his head on your shoulder just wanting to be petted and loved. He is a 45 pound lap dog. He would be feral if we let him, cowering and lying on the ground when we call him inside. The sun and breeze and people walking by are just too much to leave and when it’s calm outside he lies on the top step surveying his land like a good Shepherd. When I come home he immediately jumps, placing his paws on my shoulders, very gently landing and kisses my face only to lower himself on the ground and plant himself firmly between my two legs. I know that sounds untoward but it’s his way. He’s the type of dog that if you sit on the floor he will sit in your lap. If you pet him while he’s sleepy and then stop he will GI Joe crawl closer to you so you’ll keep petting. He’s the type of puppy that comes up to you and rests his forehead on yours, eyes closed, seeming to enjoy the mere presence of you. I’m crazy about him. Just crazy. Can you imagine what I’ll be like when I have kids?

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April 20, 2007

The sentimentality continues:

Tomorrow is the big day for two good friends of ours.  They’re taking the plunge and getting married.  This seems like the simpler of all of the steps they’ve had to go through to get to this point.  Oh I’m not talking about their devotion to one another or hard relationship times.  I’m taking about the hurdles life has thrown at them.  When they met it was supposed to be a fun date at a mutual friend’s wedding.  But it turned into much more.  After hours and hours on the phone and flying in to see each other (oh yes one was in Florida and the other Missouri) he made the trip of a thousand miles to be with her.  But it was more than mileage, he left a life he had known and loved and was ready for the change Missouri and Julie could give.  And he took that gift.  Seeing them together it was never clearer that two people should be together.  As cheesy as it sounds they are yin and yang combined in a swirl that is never pictured apart.  You can’t have one without the other.  Moving and big life changes included some health issues which they rallied and made huge changes to accommodate their bodies’ complaints.  And have amazingly stuck to them, an impressive show of strength, willpower and teamwork.

So, like I said they tie the knot tomorrow.  Get hitched.  Old ball and chain and the like.  There’s no doubt that the ceremony will be beautiful and all of the stress and tears will be immensely worth it but I know that the piece of paper, the flowers and the hullabaloo aren’t necessary, they’ve been “married” for awhile now.  All of these things are to shout it from the mountaintops, “We’re in love!” and we see it every time we’re lucky enough to be with you two.  So mazel tov and all that good stuff.  We’ll be there tomorrow to shout with you.